1000.

i was waiting for this moment.

BLOGSHOP IS UP YO.
click here!

happy shopping guys.

to one of the greatest man on earth.
here's to you.
may you rest in peace.

I remember when I first held your hand, you were with her and my heart skipped a beat. I remember when you first told me how you felt and I couldn’t breathe. I remember telling you that it was not a good idea. You see, we’ve been friends longer than I can remember. Since we’ve started school I believe. I thought things will never change. I changed first. I’ll admit that much. But now, things have progressed to the point where I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.
I ignored my feeling and pushed everything aside so that things can be normal again. And the plan worked until you changed. And now everything is in the air, falling down on us. You’ve said how you feel but that not the way you’re acting. I said that the time wasn’t right but I don’t think you’ve tried to make it right. Everything else just seems to be more important right now. Everything is more important than your family, your friends, even me. Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I just want you to myself. Maybe I just don’t want to share.
I want to give us a shot and I want to try. But if the time now isn’t right. Then when is the right time? When every chance we get passes us by? I miss you next to me. I miss the time at the bench with your head on my lap. I miss the times when we would go out and bicker non stop. Because that’s just who we are. And I thought that nothing could change that. I thought wrong.
It’s the perfect example of me wanting to go back time and change some things. Take back some of the words. Change the way I said them. It seemed right at the moment. Everything seemed right at the moment. So now as every emotion threatens to erupt and consume me. I try not to cry, I try to be stronger. I try not to be jealous. Because if that was your plan, to show me how much I depended on you, it’s working. Extremely well indeed.
So I don’t know what I’m expecting or hoping. I don’t know what I want or need. And I don’t think you do either. I just want to sort things out. We just don’t seem to have the guts to talk things out. Or even mildly address the issue. But the problem is there. And it’s going to be there for a long time.
I'm done.

i had a really bad nightmare last night. to the point where i woke up crying.
not supposed to be the case but it did happen.
i dreamt that my grandma was dying.
and everyone knows how much i love her.
and there was blood everywhere.
damn.
the worst part was that i was trying so hard to save her but i kept getting pushed away.
i think its the feeling where you're getting pushed away that really gets to you.
esp when you want to help someone you love so much.
and that feeling constantly leaves you angry and bitter.
knowing that you can't do anything about it but to stand there and let everything fall to pieces.
but when it comes down to the end, who's to blame?

i had a song in my head last night.
i should have written it down.
and save me from a headache.
when my creativity is out the door.
something this good pops out and i do nothing about it.
i'm going to be a fucking failure when i grow up.

you know those hugs that consumes you.
those hugs that makes you melt on the inside.
those hugs that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright even though things are already in the gutter?
i need one of those.
it has been really long since i had one of those bear hugs.
ain't got no one fleshy enough to give it to me.
yes, these kind of hugs need a lil flesh to make it all better.
what in my life do i need to make better?
well, i need someone like nick to get off my back.
for real, which note to self, ignore him.
i already did.
need to find a job.
need to have the courage and determination to go to CD.
cause somehow i dont feel like i have the strength to do it.
no matter how much i want to do it.
and i want a chance, with you.

i got candy blue nails.
i got my new manicure/pedicure set for less than ten bucks.
no. i only bought the nail file and buffer and base coat and top coat. for 9 bucks.
bought three nail polishes.
omg.
i can open up my new manicure shop with jane!
which reminds me that i need to get new nail colours.
i bought neon green.
and candy pink i think.
needs to buy more nail stuff.
not working in an F&B line does has its perks.

does anyone know where i can get new SD card at a really good price?
i dont have all the money in the world to spend and i dont like going to Sim Lim because there's alot of weird people there.

okay, shutting up now.

asking you to take me away is just too much.

i spent 4 hours in town today, alone and in the most painful shoes ever.
never buy pretty looking things ever again!

twitter says that they're having a tweet overload. haha. what a thing to have.
its stupid as to how miley cyrus announces her break up discreetly on twitter.
and i get to see the hotness of megan fox. in purple. the best shit ever. i take back what i said to almost everyone. she's not a tranny.

true blood coming out on sunday, so i get something to look forward to every monday now.

anyhoo, i was in town today for four hours and i spent 80 bucks in about 20mins. dont ask me how. its the lure of the comics. bought the redeemer.

this is graphic novel at its definition. because its like a novel. literally. with paragraphs of narration and graphics by the side. not your typical comic book.
bought two uncanny x-men comics as well. but not as awesome as the redeemer.

so, dave was late. as usual. but it was fun. had soup spoon but he was complaining as to how he preferred subway. I LIKE THE SOUP.
was walking all over town. and we had ice cream and dempsey.
botanic gardens at night is creepy as hell but it was pretty. with the occasional water splashing from god knows where.

i dont understand teen celebs.

in the midst of finishing capt 12.
this is going to be a long one.

spent the best 2 hours of my time today doing my nails.
i need iced lemon tea to finish my chapter.
and old bensin songs to keep me going.
saosin can join in as well.
no sappy emo songs for me.

I GOT DISTRACTED BY PEREZ HILTON! )):

okay, i'm now a good girl who is on to do chapt 13.
then chapt 14 which will be the last one.
YAY!

pictures of us always makes me smile.
then the question of what if pops up.
what if we took that step together?
would it be perfect?
no, i'd rather it not.
i get bored of perfection quite fast.
lets wait for the right time.

the past few days have been an absolute bore.
and i cannot imagine why.
without a job, no boyfriend.
i seem to have nothing. haha.
emphasis on the boyfriend.

bought too many books, now i'm kinda broke from all that.
to think that i was saving money to go waxing.
i guess i'll have more money when i have a job then.
it always makes everything easier.

its been a boring post and i know it.
i want to get a Blackberry and so does Dave.
cause it looks amazing.
and for a text freak like me, it exactly what i need.
i can text and tweet all the time.
i need to stop being lazy.
i havent eaten properly in the past week because of it.
i shall go and buy something home to cook or at the very least, eat.
i'm missing LJS all of a sudden.

i'm in a rambling mood.
like firti always does.
miss that bitch.

still waiting for a text.
somehow i know that it wont come.

the only thing to look forward to now is thursday.
hopefully thursday does happen.

off to watch interesting parts of life.

oh, i'm saving the 1000th post for something special.
hopefully.

long overdue pictures of jess' 22nd birthday can be found on facebook.
so can the drunkard pictures of Jbar.

no mood for blogger or twitter. damnit.